Dude Looks Like a Really Old Lady

An aging rock band clings onto their youth, the lead singer’s luscious locks have turned into gray coils, drummer’s shoulders have become an arthritic mess and lead guitarist looks like a skeleton from a Tim Burton film. Don’t get me wrong, I love Aerosmith as much as the next guy. Heck, I probably love Aerosmith more than the next guy, but it’s time to put their jersey in the rafters and hang it up there for good. I might be jaded, but you’re the one that jaded me, remember?

In fairness, Steven Tyler’s hair is still pretty great. The same can’t be said for the rest of the band. But, hey, all good things come to an end eventually. Dwyane Wade’s knees, Peyton Manning’s right shoulder and Steven Tyler’s voice all have one thing in common. The once illustrious talent has become so creaky an oil change couldn’t save it. Someone please put Joe Perry out of his misery. Every time we see him, he sends a disgusted scowl Steven’s way. Perry’s ears can no longer take the yelping, or maybe he simply can’t hear anymore. Someone should get Joey his hearing aid for crying out loud.

It’s kind of hard to perform “Eat the Rich” when you have an estimated net worth of $130 million. However, let’s be clear. Aerosmith are rock n roll gods. With 66.5 million records sold, Aerosmith is No. 13 on the all-time records sold list. “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” “Dream On,” “Walk This Way,” “Sweet Emotion” and “Come Together” are genre spanning hit records. From the Aerosmith self-titled album to “Get Your Wings,” “Toys in the Attic,” “Rocks,” “Pump” and “Get a Grip,” Aerosmith has delivered a discography great enough to stand toe to toe with anyone’s favorite artist. Aerosmith has made music so timeless that modern chart toppers such as Post Malone consider them their idols, and some young people still rock out to the oldies.

 “I’ll rock til I drop,” once said a young Tyler. However, it could be argued that this shared idea among many old rock stars has hurt the genre from growing into the modern forefront. Rock used to be for the kids. Rock was for the young adults who wanted to have a good time. The old “drugs, sex and rock n roll” turned into “sobriety, Viagra, and mid-life crisis.” Why is Steven still taking his shirt off and humping speaker boxes at 71 years old?

 Rock was once considered a young man’s game. Now, rock has become an old man’s game, and therefore it has left the consciousness of the modern mainstream audience. Hip hop took over and rock, well, rocked in a rocking chair while reading bedtime stories to the grandkids. However, it could also be argued that old R&B and soul singers aren’t told to hang it up, so why should Aerosmith and other rock bands? If no one takes the mic from the legend Miss Patti Labelle or Gladys Knight, then why take it from Aerosmith? Well, soul music died too. This doesn’t mean it no longer exists, but name five new soul acts that are culturally relevant and topping the charts. You can’t. While older acts are still loved and respected, they are loved for who they used to be.