Q: West, I am constantly wondering if I should pursue this person. They’re great and I feel that we have a strong friendship, but it’s confusing. One day we’re communicating and the next day we’re strangers. What should I do?
A: Honestly, in college, the word “confusion” should be stamped on this chapter of our lives. We are constantly worrying about who we are, what our purpose in life is, and what path we should take. It’s sad to know that there’s someone you admire so much and have no clue if the feeling is mutual on their end. It’s a constant thought that runs through our heads because there’s this stereotype that in college we would find our significant other or a really good partnership. It’s almost like the pressure of finding that person is programmed in our DNA.
In this cause, you need to do two things. First, you need to ask them straight-up, “What are your intentions with me as of right now and how do you feel about me on an intimate level?” These questions will let you know how they are thinking and what you need to do. Once you have gotten your answer, the ball is in your court. Your reaction will notify the person your intensions, if you haven’t told them already. Secondly, you would need to figure out a balance in your relationship. Confusion on who you are to that person causes awkwardness between the two. Therefore, you need to let them know your definition of what a friend is, if they are leading you on.
This is very important because it protects you from getting hurt. I understand that asking these questions is very hard, but in order to determine whether you want to pursue this person, you need to know these things to clarify your concerns. If asking these questions causes awkwardness between the two and they stop communicating all together, then they were not your friend from the get-go. If they want to purse the friendship and not the relationship, be there to support them. Be the best friend you can possibly be and maybe they will change their mind, but if they don’t at least you gain a great friendship.