Changing The Perspective of V-Day

No matter who you are or what your relationship status is currently, don’t let the Valentine’s Day blues get you down in the dumps. You can still enjoy the perks of Valentine’s Day by understanding that the key to a successful Valentine’s Day is remembering the theme—love. Dr. Diane Lang, author of Creating Balance and Finding Happiness and Positive Living Expert shares “17 Ways to Love Yourself and Find Happiness”.

With the help of companies that cater to holidays, such as Hallmark, marketing has affected the way that Valentine’s Day is viewed. Some see the holiday as a day of affection as others may see it as a day of loneliness.

Valentine’s Day according to TIME magazine is expected to reach $17.6 billion dollars in sales this year. Even though the holiday may be blown out of proportion with the marketing and advertisement of the holiday, the theme of love still remains strong.

“It’s all about love in general,” said Lang. Whether you are in a relationship or not, this idea should not alter your feelings of V-Day. “It does not have to be about your spouse or your significant other. It should be about loving your grandparents, kids and loving your friends and making it a fun day.”

In order to follow the steps to finding love, the process must first begin with you—as an individual. “You have to love yourself before you love others.” said Lang.

Lang, a therapist and educator, shares that it is best that when finding love for yourself to use checkpoints on a daily basis such as positive affirmation, changing the way that you talk and a gratitude check. Using each of these can help to establish love for yourself.

Once you have gained love for yourself, you are able to exert that love to others. “It doesn’t have to be just a partner in love, it can be other people in your life that you feel strongly about like friends, family and kids.” said Lang. Showing love to those you care about can be expressed in the form of hugging, cuddling, kissing and laughing.

Socializing is important for building self-love and love for others. Social interaction gives you a sense of understanding yourself and those around you. For those that are single, this can best be achieved by sharing time with friends. “You’ll see a lot of single people making sure that they are out that night having a great time and enjoying each other’s company because the holiday is all about love.” said Lang.

So what if showing your love doesn’t come naturally to you? Lang shares that even those who are not lovey-dovey people can still share love in ways that are seen as overtly affectionate. “You can actually produce endorphins which are the happy chemicals through smiling and laughing. And when we laugh with other people and smile with other people, we’re showing love and affection and expressing and appreciating being with the person.”

For those who have a long distance relationship, showing love and affection can be hard due to the fact that the significant other is not present. That significant other may be a military official or a relative overseas; however, you can still express appreciation and affection through technology. “The best way to do this is to Skype or Facetime so that you can at least see each other and see the expression, because you can see the love in someone’s face through their eyes, through their smile or if they’re laughing or nodding to what you are saying.”

Lang is a nationally recognized speaker, author, educator, therapist and media expert. Lang speaks to students at universities and employees of universities and other companies on a wide array of health and wellness and positive living topics such as mental health, lifestyle, and parenting needs. Lang is an adjunct professor at Montclair State University.


17 Ways to Love Yourself and Find Happiness from Dr. Diane Lang’s

Creating Balance and Finding Happiness

  1. Start off with positive affirmations. Remind yourself everyday how special you are.
  2. Know that you’re good enough. God made you perfectly. Enjoy who you are.
  3. Be a role model by showing love. Express and show love through your actions. Hugs, kisses, cuddling—all of these expressions show love and produce endorphins for an extra boost of happiness.
  4. Show love by being kind, caring, warm, compassionate and empathetic to others and yourself.
  5. Share your love with random acts of kindness—let others share in your good will and love by doing something for someone else with no expectation.
  6. Show self love by putting yourself first-do something special for you!
  7. Love yourself so you can accept love from others.
  8. Forgive yourself and others. You can’t move forward and enjoy life without forgiveness.
  9. Love yourself by removing the toxic from your life. Surround yourself with positive people and forget the rest.
  10. Praise your efforts. Mistakes and failures are a part of life and unavoidable, but without the effort, you won’t have success.
  11. Acknowledge your strengths. For today, don’t focus on weaknesses; instead look at your strengths and be proud of your skills and abilities.
  12. For Valentine’s Day, just have fun! Don’t set any unrealistic expectations, just enjoy the moment.
  13. Take a risk on Valentine’s Day and try something new!
  14. Visualize a day full of love; what would it feel like? What could you do to have this type of day?
  15. Have a day full of love in person. For today, have face to face interaction, not a virtual date.
  16. By being grateful, you can see all the love that is around you. Sometimes we just need a perspective shift to see the love clearly.
  17. Thank those in your life who are always loving, kind and compassionate. Let them know how much you appreciate their love.



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